Sunday, March 19, 2017

He is MY Fairy Tale and He can be yours, too!

Someone asked me last week, "Who is Jesus to you?"
I had to think a few minutes about this one to formulate "EXACTLY" how I felt. I wanted to be sure I conveyed the exact perfect way of how He has changed my life. And thinking back on it now, I am pretty sure I didn't get it all out because it's bubbling up inside me again :-)

So here goes:

He is my fairy tale!

That's it!

I was dying.

I was at the last straw and the darkness was gonna break me. I actually believed one day it would get me and I would give in and kill myself - I felt as though it was just a matter of time before I gave in.

He rushed in on His White horse and saved me. (see The Book of Revelations and note the White Horse!) He literally picked me up off the floor and turned my life around! I was on my knees crying in my bedroom and asking Him for His help, for His will to be done.

As a little girl, I thought my fairy tale "knight in shining armor" was my Dad. But I would see and hear how he treated my Mother, the one woman who I loved so very much - the one who gave me life. Would my "knight in shining armor" really treat someone I love so much, so badly? I wrestled with that thought quite often. That was a struggle to love my Dad as much as I did and then see him treat her so badly....I remember running to my bedroom, and I was about 9 years old or so. I was crying, I was hiding and I was so scared of what was going on. They fought a lot while I was growing up and he didn't treat her very kindly. I lived a lot of my life afraid. I was so confused. Should I hate him for acting that way to her, or love him because he was my Dad? He never laid a finger on her but at times I'm pretty sure she wished he would have, instead of having to deal with the verbal abuse. It was awful, yet I still loved him. I vowed my children would never witness the verbal abuse in their childhood and they haven't, praise God. They may have witnessed other things I wish they hadn't but never verbal abuse.

And then I grew up and my Dad died!

So then as a young married woman, I always wanted this and thought this was going to come from my husband. Then my husband was struggling with his own sins and we were struggling with each other. And I found myself divorced

As a newlywed to my 2nd husband, I thought maybe this would come from my new husband.
Cause you know, maybe I just picked wrong the first time around? Then my new husband fell into his own sins and this husband failed me, too!

What flawed thinking I had. No one is perfect, no one. Why would I even expect perfection from someone? I know I'm not perfect so why would my expectations go that route?

Then remaining to focus on all the bad parts about me, all my flaws, all my sins, everything I ever gave into, everything I've ever said or done wrong to someone - all the "wrongs" stayed in the forefront of my mind.

I physically had pain. Did you even know mental illness hurts? It does and when you are in the middle of it, you want it to just stop and you'll do anything and everything to make it stop! Just end it, please! I thought my only way out was suicide, to make the pain stop, to make the bad thoughts about myself stop.

Recently my church shared my testimony on their big screen and it felt as though my story had come full circle. It's time to share it and yes, it's just a condensed version but my prayer is, "God! Use it how YOU see fit!"
There are parts of my story, some might judge, some might hate me for and some might be disgusted with. I am ok with that. The person I was before Christ was pretty disgusting. I did some not so nice things but the bright light in this story is Christ and His redeeming love. All of the bad situations I put myself in, will be talked about.....and then let go because God has forgiven me and I have forgiven myself! I'm free!

If you want to be free too, I can help you! Email me at or if you know my cell phone number, text me and I will point you in the direction of who can help you from here, or give you some ideas on what to do next in your walk with be "Free!" Or, if you just want to talk - we can do that too!

He is waiting for you!

Sunday, February 26, 2017

My Affliction Has a Purpose

"Grace means that all of your misakes now serve a purpose, instead of serving shame." Author Unknown

Thank you Jesus

Today, I am thankful for the stronghold depression had on my life.
Today, I am thankful my depression got so bad that I wanted to kill myself every single day. It was all I thought in and day out.
You think I'm crazy for being thankful for this affliction, don't you ?
Jesus let this happen to me because He knew the outcome. He knew one day, He would send me another Mom, woman, friend, co-worker, even just someone on the streets (which has happened believe it or not) who is in the *EXACT* same spot I once was. And I believe and I know, He knew when I came out of the depression I would point it all back to Him. He knew I would share His love with those women & all would not be lost!

So, He continues to bring these women into my life on the daily. And every time He brings me another I get to whisper "Thank you Jesus for saving me so I can tell her all about your love for her."

And sometimes, He even introduces me to another Christian who has gone through the same thing, is on the other side now and we get to share with each other exactly what our Dad had done for us - He saves!! He saves lives for a reason and all for His purpose and promise!

I heard in a sermon this week, "everything is given to you to fulfill God's purpose" & I took that literal. I took it as all good AND all bad! 

And when you get to that point of seeing your life's purpose, of walking out His calling on your life - you know He was with you every night you laid in bed and cried because of the person you thought you had become. He was right there with you when you were being bombarded by the lies from the enemy to just "do yourself in." He was right there with you when you cried to Him telling Him, "I am a Mom, why would you let my kids be taken from me? Why would you let that happen when you knew just how badly I longed for them, from the beginning of time! Why would you let that happen?" He was right there with me, through it all AND He will be with me through my next season of life as well!
Are you at this point in your life ? 
Can I help you ? 
Can I point you to THE one who will save you? 
Your spouse?
Your child?
Your boss?
Your Mom?
Your Dad?
No, those people will not save you but He is all of those, yet even more!
1. He knows every single hair on your head! Luke 12:7
Every. Single. One.
Let that sink in for a moment. If you are like me and you have a lot of hair - isn't that amazing?
2. He wrote your name on the palm of HIS hand! Isaiah 49:16
Think of that one, me? He wrote Delinda Mishall Clark Sowder on His hand! Kind of like a tattoo, my name will forever be etched on His palm.
3. He believes you to be the most beautiful person! Ecclesiastes 3:11
You see, He doesn't make mistakes - He only makes beautiful- just look around you at what else He has created! Who actually thinks the sun, moon, stars, mountains, oceans, babies, animals, the elderly, the young, the middle aged people - who actually believes any of these are ugly? Not me!
4. He made you in the image of Himself! Wow! Genesis 1:27
5. He made you knowing the outcome before you were even born! Jeremiah 1:5
6. He made you for a purpose whether you know what that purpose is right now, or not, if you ask Him to share that with you - He will! But you have to be open to hear Him! He might tell you through a song, another person, a sermon at church or a child but you have to ask and then be prepared to hear Him. If you are, I guarantee you will hear Him! Jeremiah 1:5 (again)
7. Never, ever, ever, ever underestimate what He can and will do through you to help save another person. Acts 14:22
You don't have the power to save lives but He does and He will use you! He used a couple at church to speak straight to my husband and I when we were deep in our "issues" and He used them to help save us. We know this because we lived it and I'm here to tell you, it can be done!
8. In order to have great relationships with others, you really should start with Him. John 1:10-13 
He will lead and guide you to the people you need in your life. I always find it funny how I said earlier, He brings women directly to me who are struggling like I once did. 
9. Once you are in His grasp, He won't let you go or leave you, or divorce you or say bad things about you. 
Jeremiah 29:11
He will do the exact opposite. Then He will bring others to you who will speak life into you - who will help you, walk next to you and teach you all about His love for you. And once you hear it and continue to hear it, you just might believe it.
10. will use those gifts He has given you, to help another and you too will say "Thank you Jesus for saving me, so I can help her and tell her all about you and your love for her!"
1 Peter 4-10
If you need help too, like I once did, please reach out to me so we can talk and I can tell you all about His love for you!
Your story matters!